Monday, 4 March 2013

Before sunrise - lonely shadow

He has bright droopy eyes glowing with the sparkling moon.
His big head is long and oval like the shape of an egg.

His tuft is curling, pointing.  Don't you dare touch it or you'll get cut.

The moon is glittering like the stars glimmering at night.

The tower has chipped bricks and is very dangerous.

By Liam 

4 comments:

  1. Jack,s and Lucy5 March 2013 at 09:43

    To Liam,
    We really like how you used adjectives. And we think you could use a question at the end. Do you like writing.

    By Jack,s and Lucy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Phelix Alfonso5 March 2013 at 09:51

    Nice work Liam I like your simillie.
    Maybe next time you could put an alliteration like silent sleepy shadows.
    And what does he sound like when he speaks?
    By Phelix and Alfonso.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Liam,
    we like the how you have used lots of adjectives like curling, glimmering and glittering. We like your simile too ... oval like the shape of an egg.

    We can see that you used he, his or the to start your sentences. Try to use use different starts.
    By Zac & Jack B Room 6

    ReplyDelete
  4. Liam, I am wondering why you said the tower was so dangerous. Could you explain that in your writing?

    ReplyDelete

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