100 word challenge - Chocolate puddle

You might think that falling into a giant puddle of chocolate is what dreams are made of, but I know it's not!  

Moment in time…

There is no time to lick the luscious smear off my face, as I desperately try to grab a breath, before bobbing back under the gloopy mess. My eyes are scrunched shut to avoid flying explosions that splatter like paint pellets.  Thick dribbles run down my chin in camouflage design.  Chocolate boils around my flailing arms as I trying to stay afloat.  

Remember - think carefully before making a wish as it might come true!

Allana - teacher

Can you answer thee questions about my attempt at the 100 word challenge?

What changes between the paragraphs?  

Who is talking?

What tense is used - past, present, future?

What similes are used?

Why are there three paragraphs?

Blog nomination @ #comments4kids

comments4kids.blogspot.co.nz

The #comments4kids website recommended this blog to the followers around the world to visit and write comments.

wmchamberlain, the blog writer said:

I don't ordinarily spotlight back to back blogs from the same students, but if you look through their blog you will see why.

Our class blog sprinstonteamendeavour.blogspot.co.nz had been the focus blog the day before.  We are very proud of having exciting blogs that give us a place to share with our audience.

Visit our writing visitors

You are going to need the URL of this class blog for visiting on Friday and in the school holiday.  Their teacher is showing the class our writing blog today and we are expecting some comments.  Let's give their writing some comments too!

QSIS 10 Year Old Class 

100 word challenge

At school there was a test and I thought it would be boring, until my brother announced that you could win a trip to the moon.  I was so excited that I got all the answers right. 

The next day I went to the moon with my dad. But when I got there it had melted and we slid into slippery gooey middle.  Dad called mum but she did not reply. 

We were stuck in the middle of the moon for two months until we dug ourselves out.  Next we built a space shuttle to get home.

Josephine

100 Word Challenge

Mud

I was watering the garden when I fell into a mud puddle that looked just like melted chocolate.  I couldn’t get out because the mud was too gloopy and kept sticking solid around my body.  

One thousand years later, scientists found me fossilized in mud.  They thought I was dead like a person from Pompeii so they put me on display in a science museum.  

After ten years in the museum, I started to chip my way out.  

After all that time, I have learned to keep away from the garden and now I spend my time on the computer.  

Writing using a movie to motivate and scaffold

Our class has been using movies to help us write descriptive stories.  The movie this term has been from the Literacy Shed and is called Before Sunrise.


First, we watched the start of the movie to meet the main character and we described what he looked like.


After watching the whole movie we pasted the pictures in order and wrote a sentence summary beneath  each of them to give an overview of the story.


At each main point, we watched a small clip of the movie, discussed what we could see then gathered adverbs, adjectives and 'Magical Words' in a word bank that we could all use.


We went away to write the 2-4 sentences, then shared our best bits.  This helped the children who were stuck or needed some new ideas.


We always highlighter marked for our personal target and use 'Writer's Eyes' to edit our work in green pen.


The biggest challenge was to type up all our work in Pages as we were editing it and then have a final conference with the teacher before posting it on the blog.

Treasure in the Library

The Shadow wondered why he was stuck in the dark alone without any company.  In the gloom the shadow had begun his search but he didn’t know it.  Bravely he walked out into the dark night.

He stands out against the moon. His eyes look sad and lonely but he moves gracefully and swiftly.  Twinkling stars are scattered across the sky while the moon is shining in the night sky. The Shadow looks like a burnt candle against the moon as his eyes drift down feeling lonely.

After a long time walking he sees a golden light in a window.  It was square and wide.  The light is glowing like treasure and he wants to get closer.  The shadow creeps slowly and swiftly across the valley that was lit by moonlight to get to the golden light.  He had to climb up steps they were very steep.  Once he got inside he gasped.  There were piles and piles of books and they were all around him.

Something caught his eye.  He saw a  candle.  She fluttered her lashes and fairy dust sprinkled out to show she liked him.   He reached forward to touch her but got burnt.  

All of a sudden, the candle was blown out!  The Shadow looked horrified and everything was pitch black.  He collapsed in despair and hugged her dark base.  Smoke rose from the candle and swirled in the air.  It slowly formed into a girl shadow.  She was alive.

Before Sunrise

The shadow wished if he could have a better life in the town.  The tower stands tall and looks gloomy. The tower is strange and it looks like pale black mountains.  The Shadow steps out into the night and calmly flies through the dark alleyways.

After walking a long time, the Shadow sees a bright shimmering light coming from a window.  His eyes get light and start to glow. The Shadow’s neck gets longer as the night sky gets blue.  He walks in to a bright light of the library.  As the Shadow wanders through towers of books, his eyes turn black with surprise.

The shadow saw a candle.  She turned around in shyness and it looked like golden diamonds as she fluttered her eyelashes. He put out his hand and it got burnt.  

Suddenly the man blew the candle out and the Shadow fell to the ground and he hugged her.  While he was sad and lonely, her smoke came out the back and made a girl shadow.   

By Chloe 7 years old

Before Sunrise

The village is dark because it is 5 o'clock at night.  There are no-one to be seen. The clock is shining brightly.  Something is happening. The buildings are creaking. The reflection of the moon on the roof is like shooting stars. 

Around the doors of the cottages there are carved patterns like worms digging holes in the dirt. But hiding in the darkness are shadows.  The little shadows are naughty so the nice one left.  He climbed up the pipe into the night.  

After a long time walking he saw a glow of golden light shining brightly through the window. He crept into the library, up the giant steps.  He was amazed to see piles of books surrounding him.  His eye was caught by a bright light. It was a candle.  She blushed pink and fluttered her eyelashes with golden sparkles.

The librarian suddenly blew out the candle.  The Shadow’s heart pounded and he fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around her dark base.   A black charcoal colour smoke swerved back and forwards behind him.  It made a picture against the wall like a spider web.  Eventually it turned into a shadow.  He now had a friend.

By George 9 years old

The Shadow gets a friend

A glowing clock-face shines out of the shadows.  The ticking wakes the silent village.  It ticks through the night as the clouds move slowly.  The village looks like it is made from giant gingerbread houses with pointy roofs that are iced with sparkles like stars.

In the centre of the courtyard silently stands the soldier angel waiting for danger.

Hiding in the darkness are a group of hunched naughty shadows, all except for one.  His eyes light up from the shimmering moon.  His face looks depressed hiding in the dark shadows as he watches the

others.  

Surely there is something more to life than this thinks the shadow as he steps out into the night.

After many hours walking he stops and stares at the glimmering light as it shines its way through the window.  The alien loses energy as he climbs step by step. He walked in the room and glazed at the golden books as the books shimmered over him. A noise made him run and bumped into the most amazing thing, a candle. Her eyes flutter as she flirts. Golden sparkles run down her eyes. The alien leans to touch her but he gets burnt. He turns around and leaves thinking, “Why, Why? I thought you were the one!” runs along then stares pipe and stairs at the window. 

The man wakes up and blows out the candle. The alien runs back thinking, “I hope it’s not to late.” He finally gets there.  She does a shimmering dance in the air and...becomes one of them. They are now together.

by Jess 8 years old

100 word challenge

Your challenge is to use all the descriptive tools we have been learning about to write a description of this picture - in just 100 words.  It might see like a lot but really it is only about 3-5 sentences.

Tasks in order:
1.  Look at the picture carefully
2.  Brainsotrm a collection of nouns - things you can see.... hair, eyes, mouth, drips, neck, ears
3.  Brainstorm all the adjectives to describe those nouns .. spiky hair like it was dipped in chocolate
4.  List all the action or verbs in the image... smile, close eyes, paddle,
5.  Brainstorm the adverbs - words that describe how the action happens ...squint eyes closed tightly
6.  Decide on the tense - you are telling what happened in the past - squinted, paddled, splashed
7.  Begin writing your piece
8.  Share with a buddy and work through the 'Writer's Eyes' editing sheets

 

Visit this link if you need to get some inspiration.  This is what 100 words really looiks like...

Team 3 Russley Weebly 

Before Sunrise written by Sam

Surely there is something more interesting in life than just sitting here watching these shadows being naughty? Then the shadow got up and walked away.

A dark clock-face stands tall and still as the stars twinkle in the night sky. The white shining angel stands guard over the village as they rest. The roof tiles shine in the darkness. The clock face is shining out of the enveloping shadows. The houses are beautiful and have curly whirly doors. 

The bright, glowing moon lights up the little mans droopy, white eyes. The stars in the background light up. His long, floppy, squiggly aerial wiggles in the spiral moonlight and his white, lonely looking eyes light up bright. His long face looks to me a bit like a tadpole. His skinny legs take him a long way.

A glow of golden light bursts out of the two library doors and shines out into the distance. Creeping through the moonlight, he struggles to get up the stairs of the library. A gasp escapes his mouth. Huge piles of books surround him. He is drawn in by the warm, golden, glowing light he sees from outside.

On the table stands a bright, glowing faced candle. She flutters golden diamonds as they twinkle to the ground. He tries to kiss her but is burnt by her flame and goes to the roof top. 

He looks down at his burn and feels the candle die as the librarian blows her out. The shadow gasps, widens his eyes and runs over to collapse at the base of the candle. 

A few seconds later he discovers that there is something behind him. The candle has become a shadow just like him from her smoke. He turns around and is overwhelmed by what he sees. His lonely eyes become happy as they embrace and kiss.