Friday, 1 March 2013

Describe Character

The alien's eyes light up from the shimmering moon as his face is depressed in the dark shadow's emerging from the clouds.

He walks straight instead of all crimpled over and naughty like his small friends.  The flipper like feet make him look like a slinky seal.

5 comments:

  1. Lucy and Jack,S5 March 2013 at 09:56

    To Jess,
    We like the way you said what you thought it was. You could write a question at the end. Do you like writing?

    By Lucy and Jack,s

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jess, good work Jess I like the way you did a simile, The flipper like feet
    make him look like a slinky seal.You could improve by adding some more sentences and making them shorter.

    By Liam and Sam

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jess,
    We like how you said he was depressed. We think you should
    wright the shadows name instead he.
    From Chloe & Maggie Room6

    ReplyDelete
  4. To Jess,
    We really liked the way you used the adjectives shimmering for the moon and said he was emerging from the clouds, we got stuck in the first big sentience could you make it smaller?

    From Josh and Tate

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow good effort Jess I read it to my sister she said it makes me feel like i was there.
    Daniella and charlotte b

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for your comment on our writing. We will moderate and post it as soon as possible.

If you want to learn about making a constructive comment then click on this link. http://springstonteamendeavour.blogspot.co.nz/p/blog-comments.html